


Stars At Night

by dnawhite76, Prubbs



Series: Cross Checked [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: AU, Does not follow season to a T, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 11:42:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dnawhite76/pseuds/dnawhite76, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prubbs/pseuds/Prubbs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler never wanted a soulmate, let alone to have to share his mind with his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars At Night

He hadn't wanted a soul mate. He'd cried when he told his mom what they had learned at school that day. It sounded scary. He'd been 9. 

He was 19 when he thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He looked at his teammates who had someone to celebrate with and wondered what it felt like. Probably didn't feel like sweat covered bodies and blinding lights, music so loud and alcohol so strong he could smell it on his shirts for days, but it was what he had. He made do.

\---

"I think I'm gonna stay in." Kaner looked pale. His eyes drifted in and out of focus as he stood in the doorway.

"What's wrong with you?" 

Kane just shook his head. "It's not me." A few hours later he was leaning against Pat's shoulder as they watched a soap opera. "Never test your bond." Pat mumbled rubbing his head. "Tazer’s been ralphing all day." 

He sat up. "You're bonded?" he watched as Kaner eyed him speculatively before nodding. 

"Yes. Is-is that an issue?" he'd never seen Pat looked cautious before, but he did in that moment. He didn't like it.

"Nah. Just surprised me. Tazer?" 

Pat smiled. "Yeah. That loser's mine." he looked so happy to say that sentence. Pat laughed abruptly. "He's hugging a toilet right now and still insists he's not a loser." Maybe a soul mate was something he wanted.

\---

He'd never been so glad to be alone in his head than the day of the trade. The party going on, distracting, but not quite enough. Then there was the move. And the face of a franchise. But he wasn't alone in it. At the all star game, when he'd first met Jamie, he'd been buzzing with excitement and a few drinks. But it was nothing compared to shaking Jamie's hand and feeling something shift. To feeling like they were going to be great together.

\---

'Tyler?'

He jolted awake. "Jamie?" he asked. He was sure he'd just heard Jamie. But Jamie was in Victoria and he was in his parents’ house sleeping on a bed that was even smaller for him now than it had been when he was a kid. He sighed. Dream. It had to be. He lay back down and drifted off. 

'Tyler.' 

He opened his eyes but didn't move. He'd definitely heard that. His phone was dark on the night stand. 

'Tyler. I think we-' 

His head started pounding. He curled into a ball and tried to breathe. "Mooom," he yelled.' Jamie,' he plead. He knew what he'd been feeling all season. He knew it now. Why it decided halfway through their summer break was the time to solidify he didn't know, but it had. A short doctor’s visit got him bond suppressors and a direct order to stay in proximity to his mate and let the bond stabilize. He took the suppressors and called Kane. 

"Happened at the convention. Stayed a week in Chicago before heading home. Sucked that first summer. Still sucks now if I'm honest, but that first summer ached. I've never heard of a bond happening when the people weren't touching." 

He shrugged. "I woke up and Jamie was calling my name." 

Kaner made a noise. "You heard him? Wow. It took us a while to get anything more than feelings. Lots of arguments, when you know the person is irritated, but you don't know why." Kane sounded like he was remembering a time he was fond of. It didn't match. "Wait. Have you talked to him yet?" he didn't answer. "Segs! Call him. Suppressors are freaky enough when you know the person took them. Imagine having Jamie in your head one second then he just disappeared. What would you think?" Kaner waited a few seconds. "Call him. But I'm here if you need any advice," he said before hanging up. 

\---

"Tyler?!" he felt good hearing Jamie and knowing where the voice was coming from. 

"Hey. Yeah. Sorry about that. The doctor gave me some meds. It'll let us not writhe in pain until we head back to Dallas." He wasn't ready for this. Switzerland was a long time ago. 

"Are you ok?" 

He shrugged. "I guess. I just. Are you freaking out?" 

Jamie was quiet for a second. "I don't- not anymore?" 

He hugged the phone closer. "My mom is calling. I'll text you later." he hung up as Jamie started to say something. 

\---

-How about we just meet up at camp?- He followed the prescription religiously, even had an alarm in his phone. He needed these last few weeks of freedom, before he had to accept that he had a soul mate, and he'd never be alone again. He didn't know if he was ready for that yet. He didn't know if he was ready for Jamie to know what was in his head. He didn't know if he wanted to know what Jamie really thought. 

-If that's what you want.- Jamie sent back a few minutes later.

\---

Kaner taught him how to block over Skype. Frowning as he did it. Toews walked in behind Pat with a scowl. "What are you doing?" 

Pat waved at the screen. "He wanted to know how to block. I didn't mean to wake you up." 

Johnny stood behind Pat and leaned over the couch, resting his head on his shoulder. "You kept going quiet. I thought-" 

Pat gripped his hair and pulled up. "Go back to sleep. I'll be done with this idiot in a second." 

Johnny grumbled something against Pat's head as he straightened. "It's a bad idea," Johnny told him matter-of-factly looking straight at the camera. Pat watched him leave before turning back. 

"Ok. So you've got the basics. But it isn't foolproof. There are moments when you can't block. So you need to organize your thoughts, keep the most important at the back, so it doesn't come rushing out in a celly. I spoiled a birthday present during a game of Mario kart once. I still think this is stupid by the way." He nodded. But Pat kept helping, so he must know some of the worry, and downright fear he was feeling the closer they got to the season. 

\---

-I'm in Dallas.- Jamie texted him a few days before they were slated to spend the day with the sled hockey teams. He was too. He'd been working on unpacking his new house, but he wasn't ready yet. 

-Late flight. I'll see you there.- 

\---

It was fun. Jamie looked hesitant for a second at the silence that was still between them. But he let out a short breath and he could see Jamie accept what Tyler was doing and put on a brave face. It hurt. But they had fun on the ice. Jamie fell over giggling into the ice and he forgot this wasn't something he wanted. He felt odd after. Jamie moved for a hug before shaking his head and stepping back. "I'll see you." 

\---

He bought him a dog. He bought him a dog. Marshall yipped, Cash yipped back. Jamie got him a dog. His reminder went off and he silenced it. Cash licked his face as he crawled over to him. Jamie gave him a dog. The least he could do was stop taking the suppressors. They were in Dallas for good now. The summer almost completely over. By the end of the day, a fog he hadn't noticed lifted and he slept the best he had in months.

\--- --- ---

Jamie had wanted a bond ever since he was old enough to really know what it was. When he was little it all seemed very magical. He liked to watch the way that his parents interacted with each other, always moving around in a perfect orbit without a second thought or even having to look at the other. They were in love. They were soul mates. Jamie had always known that he wanted that, and that if you were lucky enough to find it, you fight for it. 

His best friend bonded early. At the beginning of their sophomore year he found his bond in his lab partner, a plain looking girl named Christa who looked like she would rather jump out of a plane than be bonded with him. But eventually they fell into each other, just like his parents, never hovering, just always knowing and understanding things in a way that other types of love would never fully get to. He knew that there were people who never found their soul mates who were still perfectly happy and found love but he didn't want to be one of them. He wanted someone in his orbit, he wanted to move without thinking and let himself be enveloped with someone else. He thought that they would turn up sooner rather than later, needless to say he was disappointed when he got through high school without any occurrences. He tried dating but he was positive that he would know who they were the second he saw them. So he stopped dating and focused on hockey. He got drafted and he moved to Dallas and then one day he met Tyler- and he knew. 

He didn't think it was the same for Tyler, but from the moment they first shook hands he had no doubt in his mind that this was his person. His sun to move around and allow an eclipsing glance into his soul. Not that he said any of that too him. They just shook hands and he smiled bigger than he thought he ever had in his life and they fell into place in their line without any resistance. 

It was still shocking when he saw it. He'd gone to Victoria to visit his family for the summer, falling into his bed worn out from spending the day with his over excited family. It felt like he had just barely closed his eyes when he floated out of himself. He could see the inside of Tyler's mind clearly, walking into the dream that wasn't his and just watching until he could gain his bearings on what was happening and struggled back to himself. He woke up gasping and sat up. His sheets were wet and he was looking around the room like he thought that someone might have drawn what he had seen onto his eyelids. "Tyler?" he whispered half feeling ridiculous but he was alone. He knew that. Tyler was miles upon miles away and asleep and he was being crazy. 

Well he thought he was crazy until he got a sleepy 'Jamie?' in return. 

His heart beat spiked. Shit. He could feel it like a wire coming out of his forehead and he could feel Tyler nodding off again. "Tyler." he called at him and felt the pull on his head as he became fully aware. "Tyler, I think we're..." but the pain got too intense and he stopped talking until he could get enough of a hold on himself to call his sister. 

The doctors gave him a very light prescription but he didn't take it. He's head still throbbed every now and then but he couldn't hear Tyler anymore. He couldn't feel him. It freaked him out but his mom told him not to call. "Not yet, he probably needs time." she told him. It was hard to wait. 

\---

The conversation was very unsatisfying. Getting hung up on was worse. But it wasn't until he got the text that said they shouldn't see each other until training camp that he really got bothered by Tyler's distance. He could feel him blocking him off. When they saw each other he couldn't touch him, wouldn't look at him. It hurt but he tried to make it seem like he was fine. He didn't know how to block but felt like Tyler's should cover both of them on that. He left Cash in Tyler's apartment not wanting to bother him. Things were still weird and he was a patient guy, he could wait until Tyler was ready to talk to him. So he spoke to Sid. "Well I can't say I'm surprised." the pen told him through the phone. "When you spend every day with someone like that you get attached." 

Jamie rolled his eyes. "I just wish he would stop blocking me." He told him grumpily. His head was hurting. "He's still taking suppressors. I can't feel him at all and that would be fine if he just told me why." 

"Did you ask?" 

"No..." 

"Then why would he tell you?"

Jamie sighed hating Sidney and his stupid logic. "I'm going to go to bed." He grumbled annoyed, hearing Sid laugh.

"Just talk to him Ben." 

"Yeah yeah, tell Geno I say hey." Sid grumbled sure disheartened and they hung up, Jamie talking a couple of Advil before falling onto the mattress. 

\--- --- ---

'Bunny ear. Twist and pull.' He blinked and grumbled. 'Bunny ear. Tw-God dammit.' He rubbed his eyes. It was early. He realized what he was hearing with a small smile before it really sunk in. He pressed at his own thoughts, but they were locked safely away. 

"Do you really make bunny ears still?" he mocked out loud. 

'Tyler?' Jamie asked, hesitant and a little surprised. 

"Yeah. G'Morning." Jamie smiled. He could feel his thoughts brighten with it. "Come over?" he asked feeling brave. There was a jumble of thoughts flung at him before they settled into a confirmation. He stretched and let go of Jamie's thoughts. They were still a low buzz in the back of his head, but as he got dressed he barely noticed it. Marshall and Cash barked loudly as they ran around his back yard. He watched them with a smile, letting his thoughts drift. 

'Knock. Just knock moron.' Jamie grumbled in his head before knocking quickly. He straightened and stepped back inside, leaving the back door open for the dogs. Jamie smiled for a second as he opened the door before his thoughts turned and his face dropped. "You're still?" Jamie reached out to touch his head before thinking better and letting his hand drop. 

"I-I..." he was saved answering by the clattering of puppy paws on his floors. Cash barreled into Jamie. The smile on Jamie's face was bright as he kneeled to pet him. "I can't believe you got me a dog." 

Jamie looked up at him. "You seemed lonely." Marshall shoved his way under Jamie's hands and it didn't take long before he was knocked over and laughed as the dogs competed for attention. He felt himself smiling as the joy filling Jamie's thoughts spread to his own. 

They didn't talk about why he was blocking. Jamie pressed occasionally at the barrier he'd built, but his thoughts never stayed for long. Tyler never listened too closely. He caught surface thoughts, but most of Jamie's thoughts faded into a soft hum in the back of his head. He relaxed into it. They hung out for the rest of the day, watching reruns until Jamie idly debated the functions of a remote and Tyler laughed as they switched to video games. "You could have just said you were bored." Jamie shrugged. 

\---

"Have you let him in at all?" Pat asked. He'd been happy that he had stopped taking the suppressors, but he was frowning as he asked. 

"No." he answered honestly. 

"Tyler." he frowned down at the keyboard.

"Pat. Let him be." Johnny fell onto the couch and pulled Pat close. They squeezed into the screen. "Benny's a good guy." 

A flash of anger rose. "I know that." 

Johnny nodded, like he knew what Tyler was thinking. "He's your soul mate. Nothing in your head is going to change the way he feels about you. Not even the way YOU feel about you." Patrick looked up at Johnny with a frown. 

"Segs, try it? If it feels wrong, then at least you both have tried," Pat said still not looking away from Johnny. "Next week?" Kaner asked turning back to the screen. He nodded and hung up as Kaner was leaning up to kiss Tazer's temple. 

\--- 

He tried. Jamie was in the shower in his own house a few streets away, relaxed and hazily humming songs. He imagined unlocking the door to his mind and the humming stopped. 'Tyler what are you-' There was a quiet moment where nothing happened, then they were connected. He let out a shaky breath. Relief flew through Jamie's thoughts. A litany of thanks flying around his head. He pulled back, it was too much. The guilt of knowing how Jamie had felt all summer hit him and he covered his ears against the thoughts. Jamie knew as soon as the thought came to him. 'Tyler, no please. I'm sor-' he sighed as the walls he'd been living in for the past month reformed. '-ry.' Jamie finished. His thoughts slow now. He turned off the shower and stood in the steam. 'I'm sorry.' Jamie said again pushing open the curtain. He nodded and sent what he hoped was comforting thoughts, but wasn't sure Jamie would take it that way.

\---

They were out with the team. He was comfortably buzzed, the beer in front of him was warm, and Jamie was laughing at Fids. His mind sparkled as he giggled. He leaned back and relaxed his arm across the cushion behind his captain. When Jamie leaned back his shoulder bumped his. 'Hi,' he ventured. Jamie had been sticking to his own thoughts lately. The first couple days after he stopped taking the suppressors, he'd gotten sleepy 'morning's and disgruntled 'go to sleep's. Now he was lucky if Jamie spoke out loud to him outside of practice or a game. 

Jamie smiled, a lopsided tipsy smile that just grew as Tyler pat his shoulder. 'Hey.' He smiled, Roussel pulling him back into the conversation, but he didn't move his arm, and Jamie didn't move away. 

\---

Jamie was upset. He could feel a general unease coming down the bond, but he was too far away for him to get any distinct thoughts without dropping his guard. The feeling didn't go away. He didn't like it. "Jamie?" he asked when the phone finally stopped ringing. 

"Hey. Tyler I don't really want to talk." 

He swallowed past the hurt. "Are you ok?" Jamie was quiet. "Yeah. I have to go. I'll text you later." 

He nodded. "Ok. Later." he said, wanting a promise. He didn't know why this was worrying him so much. 

He got a text a few hours later. A simple -going to bed. Night- but it was better than nothing, better than the dull hurt he was starting to feel. 

\---

"He went to a seminar. Something about your bond mate not wanting the bond. He thinks I don't want him." Jordie had glared at him the whole time he was telling him where Jamie had gone the night before, because he was too chickenshit to ask Jamie himself. 

Pat frowned through the screen. For a minute he thought the program had froze he took so long to respond. "Do you?" 

He jolted up straight. "Of course I do!" Pat didn't say anything. "Why would I not?" 

There was shuffling on the other side of the camera. "You can't tell him I told you, but Johnny didn't want a bond. He hated the idea of them. Hated them so much I thought he hated me. You just have to talk to him. I haven't heard anything from you that sounds like something Jamie said." 

He sighed. "I don't know what to say. I don't know why I don't- I just don't know." 

Pat shrugged. "Maybe he does." he frowned at the camera. "Go. Johnny's calling." 

\---

"I don't regret the bond." he said the first thing one morning. Jamie was barely awake. He didn't know what else to say, but he knew he had to make that clear.

\--- --- ---

"You're going somewhere?" Jordie asked when he called him to ask if he would check his mail for him while he was gone. 

"Only for a week or so yeah." he told him grabbing his carry on and got his ticket ready to show the woman at the front desk. The speaker over head went off and Jordie flipped. 

"You're already at the airport?!" he demanded sounding ticked and Jamie sighed. 

"Yeah, I'm heading to Pittsburgh to see Sid. Just wanted to talk about some stuff." he cleared his throat and Jordie was quiet. 

"What kind of stuff?" he asked in his big brother voice and Jamie frown. 

"Tyler stuff." he admitted. "Why? What did he do?" he asked sounding even madder now. 

"It's nothing Jordie, it's not his fault so just back off." He could hear his grumbling but he didn't say anything else about it. "Just check the mail okay? I'll call you when I land." He promised and Jordie hung up saying, "You better."

\---

The seminar had been Sid's idea. He'd already been going and convinced Jamie that he wanted him there for the support and he begrudgingly accepted knowing that it was actually for him. Sid had already had his bond melt down years ago when it first happened. His bond with Geno had been so new when he got hit that the concussion shattered it without him even knowing anything was wrong. It wasn't until he was back on the ice when the bond hit him with full force. Only Geno didn't bond back. They hadn't been to the point of thoughts, only feelings that were easily dismissed once the connection was gone. At least for Geno. But it never broke for Sid. It grew like bonds grow and got stronger like they all do until he was stuck in a loop of Malkin's thoughts about the girl he couldn't bond with and he didn't know why while Sid suffered silently, downing suppressors like tictacs. Jamie had a hard time believing how stable he was. He didn't get how he could still laugh and joke around and be one of the most looked at players in the NHL when he was in such a constant pain. Kaner always joked around calling Sid a robot but Jamie knew better. He didn't let down the wall because there was too much behind it. It sucked. And Jamie knew that was so much worse than what Tyler was doing to him but he couldn't help but wonder if maybe it would have been better if their bond was broken so he could stop feeling rejected every time he felt Tyler pulling away from him. "This is stupid." Jamie grumbled taking the little pamphlet that was offered to him with a nod of thanks at the woman passing them out. 

Sid just shrugged. "If you really thought that you wouldn't have agreed to come." Sid told him flipping through his own as they moved through the little hall to a room set up with chairs and a little stage. They found seats toward the front but on the side of the row just in case they wanted to make a quick escape and waited, Jamie's nerves growing as the auditorium started to fill. He was surprised by just how many people were filing into the room and he knew he was staring but he couldn't stop himself from looking at them, searching their faces to see if maybe they were going through the same thing. "Why don't you just turn the chair around?" Sid laughed checking his watch and popping a suppressor. 

"Shut up." he grumbled plopping back into his chair and looking forward trying not to twitch. 

\---

He didn't know what he'd expected but it wasn't this. A lady maybe in her mid thirties got up on stage and talked at them for a little bit, telling them all about how the bond was different for everyone. She said a lot of interesting things but Jamie didn't think any of them really applied to him until she started talking about the meaning of soul mates. "People are constantly making the mistake in thinking that when they bond with someone they have to fall in love with them when that isn't the case at all. Your soul mate doesn't have to be a romantic partner. Sometimes it can be your best friend. A brother, your sister. All of these have happened. And all of these are okay." Jamie felt like a brick had been dropped into his stomach. Sure he knew that but everyone that he'd known who bonded always ended up married or headed that way. But that was what he'd wanted. And he had felt so lucky when he realized that he had bonded with Tyler but what had Tyler felt? "Alright!" The woman on stage beamed at them. "Let's break up for discussion!" They had them all break into groups of 10 by the number on the back of their chairs and made little circles where a therapist sat at the head and they all went around and spoke about their own bond struggles. Sid was two groups away probably killing everyone with his story while Jamie sat back trying to be as quiet as possible hoping they would forget he was there while he listened to how Amy had bonded with her twin sister Debra and now Debra was about to get married to the guy she'd been in love with since college. Or Samuel whose bond partner died in Afghanistan during a raid and he still got little tingles of a ghost connection when he thought about her. 

One by one the people of his circle told their stories until he was the only one left who hadn't offered his up and the therapist looked at him with expectant patient too blue eyes. "What about you?" she asked softly like she didn't want to scare him off. 

He shook his head and shrugged. "I...don't have a story like that," he told her avoiding eye contact with anyone around him. He wanted to leave now. He didn't deserve to be here, not when there were people like Sidney and Amy and Samuel Who actually had problems. 

She smiled at him. "You don't need a story like theirs. You just need yours. What's your name?" 

He took his eyes off his feet and accepted that he had to talk about this. "Jamie." he told her and the group muttered hellos and he got a pat on his shoulder from a guy named David sitting to his left. 

"Okay Jamie. Why don't you tell us about your bond partner?" She asked and Jamie noticed how she was always very careful not to say soul mate. 

He cleared his throat. "Well, um. His name is Tyler. He's my best friend." He told them and he could feel his neck getting hot. He scratched at it. "We bonded I guess a little over a month ago?" He looked at the therapist who nodded at him to keep going. "It all happened pretty fast. We weren't together when it happened, I just woke up and he was there."

"That must have been frightening." 

Jamie just shrugged. "It was weird, not too bad though. I was more freaked out when he started taking the suppressors." There was a mutter of understanding and David spoke at his left.

"I hate those things. When Jen takes them I get all foggy and slow." 

"Same here." Amy scrunched up her nose thinking about it and the therapist nodded at the conversation going on before pointing it back to Jamie. 

"So he took the suppressors?" She asked. 

Jamie nodded, "It was just supposed to be for a few weeks till we were back in Dallas together but, I don't know, he just kept taking them. And then when he stopped he started blocking me. I haven't pushed anything cause I don't want him to freak out but I know he is. And it's freaking me out now." He ran a hand over his face feeling frustrated. "I guess I just thought that when I bonded it would be the real deal. I thought that it would be easy and exciting and I was happy it was with Tyler, and I thought he would be happy too. But he's not." he shrugged and they were all quiet. 

The Therapist broke it after a moment, "Have you ever like someone who didn't like you back?" she asked and Jamie blinked at her. 

"Um, yeah in high school?" he offered wondering where she was going with this. 

She smiled at him. "How did that end up?" 

She asked and he thought back to Marie, the pretty brunette with big brown eyes in his freshman French class. "She agreed to date me when I kept asking." He admitted with a little lopsided grin and the Therapist smiled back. 

"What happened after that?" She asked and he got it nodding in answer. They'd dated for a year and she had been great until her dad got a job in the states and they had to move. "It sounds to me like maybe Tyler is just scared here Jamie. It's a hard to face the person you are bound to for the rest of your life and immediately open up. Give him time. Woo him." she offered and he nodded glad when the attention shifted off of him and he let his face shift back into his worry. It was worth a shot but he was so tired of trying and Tyler not meeting him in the middle. He'd tried, once only to pull away so fast the Jamie nearly fell in the shower, like his support had been taken away. He didn't know how long he could keep doing it. But Tyler was worth it. He would try. 

\---

He had a lot on his mind when Tyler called and he felt bad when he told him that he didn't want to talk but he needed a little time to go over what they had spoken about that day. Sid met up with him when he hung up with Tyler patting his back. "Okay there?" he asked and Jamie nodded. 

"This isn't the worst thing you could have made me do." he admitted. It was the best he was getting to a thank you and Sid knew that so he grinned. 

"Hungry?" he asked and Jamie laughed demanding that they get something fatty and grease-filled to fix his feelings.

\---

He heard the words when he woke up the next morning. But that was it. Still radio silence. He couldn't feel what he was feeling or get a sense on how he was thinking and he was so frustrated because he was always such an open book. 'Feels like it.' Was all he said back. He didn't get a response but he hadn't been expecting too, not really. He wasn't mad at Tyler. You don't get to choose who you bond with. But maybe that key speaker had been right when she said that not all bonds were romantic ones. Maybe that's not what this was for Tyler. That was okay, he told himself even though he could practically feel his heart slowing its pace as he thought it. It was okay. It would be. 

\---

 

Geno showed up on the last day of his visit beaming like the big goof he was when he gave Jamie a hug powerful enough to crack his spine. He was hyper aware of how Sidney orbited around him, filling in all the spaces that he wasn't in like he belonged there. He was painfully aware the Geno didn't seem to notice at all. Sidney excused himself when the alarm on his watch went off, time for another pill and Geno watched him go with a little bit of a sad look. "Sidney is strange now." he told Jamie with a frown. "I mean, is always strange but now strange with me." He fixed Jamie with his black stare and pursed his lips. "He okay?" he asked and Jamie wanted more than anything to tell him that no, he wasn't, and that Geno needed to give up on this girl and go after Sid but it wasn't his place. 

"He's okay." he told Geno. "He's just weird." he grinned at him and the Russian laughed nodding. 

"Is always weird." he boomed fondly before pouring himself some of the coffee he burnt. 

\---

 

The flight back, though not super long, was exhausting and he was dead on his feet when he got back to his house. He wanted to see Tyler but he was too tired. He climbed into the shower and crawling into bed. He stared at his phone for a minute before he sent Tyler the text, -back in town. Feeling exhausted. Missed you.- and turned over. He would give him his space and try to keep his mind to himself. He wouldn't block it, but he wouldn't push it. They could do this the old school way. He would woo.

\--- --- ---

He hesitated before knocking quickly and stuffing his hands back in his pockets. He hadn't bothered with a jacket, but he was beginning to regret that. He was experienced colder weather, but he had gotten used to the warm days in Dallas. Jamie's thoughts were hazy with sleep as he opened the door. He blinked at him. "Tyler? Is something wrong?" 

He nodded. "I missed you too." he wanted a hug, but he didn't know if he could ask. Each day Jamie was gone ached. The summer hadn't felt like this. 

"Come inside," Jamie mumbled stepping back. He moved forward quickly. The door shut and he was wrapped up in Jamie's arms. He let out a gasp of surprise before pulling him closer. "I know you. I don't need in there." Jamie bumped their heads lightly. He let out a shaky breath. He couldn't tell if Jamie meant what he was saying. All he could hear was his name being breathed over and over again in his mind, Jamie's thoughts bright and sparkling. 

Jamie yawned and he pulled back, suddenly aware of how late it was. "I woke you up. I should go. You need sleep." 

Jamie held onto his wrist. "Stay." 

He looked down at the hand around his wrist and knew how much Jamie wanted to hold his hand. "Ok."

\---

Jamie was still asleep. He knew that before he even opened his eyes. His thoughts still vague images. He didn't want to wake up. They didn't talk about it, but Jamie went back to bed and Tyler followed. He wasn't falling back to sleep though. He cracked open his eyes and snorted. He couldn't hold back the laughter. Jamie jumped and sat up. "Wha? You ok?" 

He nodded. "Fell asleep with my soul mate woke up with his armpit in my face. So romantic." Jamie's thoughts were conflicted as they bubbled to the surface. "Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you. I'm gonna shower. Then I thought we'd walk the dogs to get some breakfast?" he hated that he was unsure if Jamie would want to do something they used to do at least once a week last year. 

"Ok." he smiled. He pulled Jamie's arm and he flopped back into the mattress. 

"You need your beauty sleep, old man." he shut the bathroom door to Jamie yelling that he was only 3 years older than him.

\--- --- ---

He slept for maybe another hour before the smell of coffee pulled him out of bed and he padded groggy into the kitchen. Tyler poured him a cup and pushed it towards him before he could asked. He wondered idly if he had heard him think about it but neither of them said anything before he finished his cup and his mind was waking up. He yawned and stretched, his back cracking as he arched it and he noticed the way that Tyler was eyeing him with a smirk. "See something you like?" He asked and Tyler flipped him off when he went to get ready. Twenty minutes later he was showered and dressed offering a hoodie to Tyler as he pulled his jacket on. He took it before he hesitated and handed it back to him. 

"We're going my by place anyway." He told him and Jamie nodded tossing it onto the couch trying not to think anything of it.

\---

The dogs ran around them all too pleased with the cold front that had sprung up whipping leaves through the air around them. They jumped around like adorable idiots and content crept up on Jamie until he was surrounded in the soothing calm that he always felt with Tyler- even when he couldn't gauge if Tyler felt the same. He shook that thought out of his head as it entered. He could tell. He didn't need the bond for that. He could see how easily Tyler was walking with him, his shouldered were down, posture slack and easy and he was content. It made Jamie happy. He wanted to make Tyler happy. He needed to be open. Open and honest like they had said at the conference. Otherwise there was no way they would get through this. "I went to a conference with Sid." He told him deciding that it would be easier just to come right out with it.  
Tyler nodded, "Jordie told me." He admitted and Jamie reminded himself to never tell his brother anything ever again. He was quiet for a minute and, god bless him, Tyler seemed to understand he needed a little prompting, "How was it?" He asked. 

Jamie scratched his head and shrugged, "It was good, you know? But I felt a little out of place. A lot of the people there had, like, real problems. Terrible things like their soul mates dying or a bond breaking- just shit that can't really be fixed." He looked sideways at Tyler, "but it made me feel better. Is that messed up?" 

Tyler shook his head but stayed quiet for a minute. "Look, Jamie-" 

"Do you want to go out with me sometime?" He hadn't meant to cut across him but he had built up the nerve to do it then and he didn't think he would if he couldn't get it out right then. 

"Out?" Tyler asked raising a brow at him and Jamie nodded. 

"Like a date. With me." He asked shuffling his feet awkwardly. Maybe he had thought too far into the 'so romantic' comment from that morning. He shouldn't have asked. This was stupid- but after a second Tyler was full out, mega watt, lighthouse beaming at him and he was positive that he would swim for miles and drown happily just to keep that on his face forever. 

But just as soon as it came it was gone and replaced with an easy, amused look, "Yeah, I guess that would be cool." He told him.

Jamie grinned down at his shoes as they kept following the dogs. "Cool."

\---

Tyler opened the door so quickly after he knocked that he wondered if he had been waiting next to it. He grinned looking him over. It didn't matter what Tyler wore, he always looked great but in his dark jeans, light blue v-neck and leather jacket he looked edible. "Hey." He said lamely and Tyler laughed at him when he was handed a bouquet of some kind of purple flower that Jamie had grabbed last minute. 

"Hey." He told him turning the flowers in his hand. "Aren't you sweet. And weird. But sweet too." He nodded for him to come inside and he followed him into the kitchen leaning against the counter as Tyler stood in the middle of the room looking like he'd forgotten something. "What do I do with these?" He finally asked. 

Jamie grinned. "I think you are supposed to put them in water or something?" 

Tyler frown and dug around in his cabinet until he found a tall beer glass and filled it before dropping the flowers in and looking very proud of himself. "Alright," he said pushing the glass onto the bar of his counter. "Where to?" 

Jamie smile. "You hungry?" He asked offering his hand, happily surprised when Tyler took it and let his fingers fall between his. 

"Always." He told him and he practical floated out of the house he was on such a high cloud.

\---

Dinner was nice, easy like it should be, making all of Jamie's fears seem like they were growing more and more far off. But still he didn't want to push his luck. He didn't hold his hand again and he didn't touch him at dinner. But when he walked him to his door he risked leaning in and kissed him on the cheek before heading back to his car. He was pretty sure that the he wasn't the only one who's heart sped off like a rocket.

\--- --- ---

Marshall stared at him for a long minute before tucking his nose back under the pillow and going back to sleep. "My date went well. Thanks for asking." He grumbled with a laugh. Cash wasn't anywhere in the living room. He walked into the kitchen touching the flowers as he passed. "What the hell?" Cash was sitting in the middle of a pile of trash, a banana hanging off his shoulder. He laughed and pulled out his phone. -Great night at the Seguin house. #notallgiftsareequal- he added with smile as he saw the flowers in the background. He was in the shower when he felt Jamie's amusement. -Your fault- he sent Jamie when he got out. 

His phone chimed a minute later. -You love all my gifts.- 

He rolled his eyes. -If you say so.- Jamie didn't reply, but he fell asleep happy. 

\---

"There were some odd results on your blood work," the doctor said reading his chart carefully. "What?" He was trying not to panic, but he wasn't sure if it was working. "There were some, I can't say." The team doctor looked up finally. It clicked a second later. 

Teams weren't allowed to ask about soul mates. The rule had been around almost as long as the NHL. "I bonded over the summer. I stopped taking the suppressors a few weeks before camp?" 

The doctor let out a small sigh, of relief he suspected. Bond suppressors had been used as narcotics in the past. People who could never bond took them and it blocked pain, they worked stronger than any pain med on the market. "That is good to hear. Congratulations." 

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah." 

The doctor wrote on the chart. "I'll forward the information to front office. Have it added to your contract." 

He jumped. "What?" 

The doctor shrugged. "It's a clause. If a team has been notified of a bond, they must honor it. Your agent didn't tell you?"

He hadn't told his agent. -Did you tell what's his face about me?- Jamie was confused for a second until Tyler sent over an image of Jamie's agent. 

-No. Why?- he waved the whole conversation with the doctor at Jamie and tried not to freak out. The doctor stepped out while he was counting and trying to ignore the worry eating at Jamie. Obviously they hadn't thought about what the team would say. 

The doctor stepped back in looking conflicted. "You want to head up? They were surprised by the news." 

He nodded. Might as well get it over with. "I'm telling them." He said and Jamie immediately started calling. He ignored the calls. 

\---

"I can't say I saw it coming." 

He shrugged. "Neither did we?" When the media found out they wouldn't believe him, but Nill just nodded in acceptance. "Jamie is coming up now." He said when he felt the anger rising with the elevator. 

"I guess the bond explains your chemistry on ice." 

"No." He felt his stomach drop out. "We just bonded." 

Nill nodded. "You must have felt it before though." Jamie pushed open the door. "Spontaneous bonds don't exist." Jamie caught on quickly. 

His eyes widened. "I didn't," he said softly. 

"That doesn't matter. I don't think we've had a bonded pair in franchise history." 

Jamie touched his shoulder. "We don't want the media to know. We'll prepare statements for the chance it gets out, but we're still getting used to the bond. We don't need the media's questions." He nodded, fighting the need to look up at Jamie. 

"Ok." Jim seemed unsure for a second before nodding and grabbing a pen. 

\---

"Why didn't you wait?" Jamie barely waited for the door to shut. He walked into Jamie's living room and shrugged. 

"The team needed to know." He looked over to Jamie. 

"Yeah. We could have told them together." He ignored the buzz of Jamie's irritation and focused on what his own thoughts were. 

"I didn't know what he was going to say. I couldn't sit next to you and hear him say it was a bad thing or we're bad for the team. I've already made this hard on you. I didn't want to feel you shouldering this too." What if it was too much? 

\--- --- ---

Tyler wasn't looking at him. "Hey." He told him trying to pull back on his emotions. He could tell that Tyler was feeling them, he wondered how that felt but knew it was probably distracting. The only problem was that he didn't know if he was actually doing anything or just making it worse. "Tyler you aren't..." He struggled to think of the word, "burdening me." He amended when he finally found it and leaned against the arm of the couch with a heavy sigh. "I just...wish that you would have waited for me." He shrugged lamely and pursed his lips at Tyler, "We're a team." He reminded him. They always had been but they were even more so now. He felt all of his frustration fizzle out and he scratched at the back of his neck wishing for once that he was good with words. "Sorry I got mad, I just really think- you know it's just- well this is important. It's something that we should do together. Something that I want us to be strong enough here," he waved between them, "to handle whatever they throw at us."

They were quiet and Tyler looked up at him, "I'm not a burden." He repeated, but not in an asking way. There was a reassurance in his eyes, a steel there that picked at something in Jamie that he wasn't ready to look too far into. 

He smiled and shook his head. "Not a burden." He told him softly and Tyler nodded plopping down onto the couch. Jamie dropped over the side and put his head on his lap and they turned on ESPN.

\---

It didn't matter where he was, Jamie could feel Tyler on the ice. He sent the puck toward the reach in his mind and it found Tyler stick and kept going. He could feel him. Actually feel him without Tyler pulling away. He would reach out and Jamie would catch him and they orbited like his parents used to orbit. Orbit like Sid around Geno. Like Johnny and Kane. It felt amazing. But as soon as they were off the connection was broken again and he was left trying not to be disappointed. "You guys were on fire out there!" Spezza grinned at him as he zoomed off the ice, "Keep it up and we'll make the playoffs for sure." He nodded and managed a smile knowing that he was right. They were good. Better than they ever had been. Maybe this was their year.

\---

"What is this?" Lindy set a card on the bench next to him and he looked it over before the question had come out. "I don't need this." he told him, ''I've already seen someone about-" 

"It's not for just you." Lindy told him sitting down beside him heavily and running a hand over his face. He looked exhausted, and like they were about to have a talk that was going to leave them both very uncomfortable. "You know that I think you are both great players and good guys." He told Jamie easing into whatever was coming next. He felt his shoulders stiffen bracing for the next words. Lindy was never this easy on him. "You know when Kane and Toews came out with their bond all us coaches decided that it was best to keep it secret. A team thing or a league only thing. Personal business and all that. But there were still quite a few people in the league that didn't like it. Called it cheating. Saying that it wasn't any fair for teammates to bond, gives 'em an upper hand." Jamie nodded but didn't say anything. He felt like he was going to be sick. They couldn't trade him, they wouldn't just trade Tyler again. They made them better. He made him better, that had been evident even without the bond. 

"What are you saying here?" He asked when the silence stretched on a bit too long ripping at his nerves. 

"I'm saying," Lindy sighed heavily and crossed his arms. "That this is between us. I don't want the team to know. Not yet. And as of tomorrow I'm moving you and Tyler off of the same line." He opened his mouth to protest but the coach raised his hand to stop him. "It'll be better this way Benn. You need to trust me. You think Tyler is ready to handle a scandal like this?" 

That kept Jamie quiet. He picked the card back up. "What is this then?" He asked in resignation. 

"Card for a couples bond councilor. I'd like y'all to think about going but that's up to you. Once y'all settle in we can talk about getting the line back together, maybe making some statements to the media. Until then I don't want to hear about it, you hear me?" 

"Yes sir." Jamie mumbled rubbing at his own face. Lindy pat him hard on the shoulder and left his hand there for a good supportive second before he stepped out of the locker room and left him with the card wondering how the hell he was supposed to bring all of this up to Tyler.

\--- --- ---

Jamie was hiding something. He wasn't blocking, he wasn't sure Jamie even knew how, but his thoughts were loud and he could tell he was trying to distract him from looking deeper. It bothered him, but it didn't feel like he was hiding whatever it was to hurt Tyler. It kind of felt like he was trying to figure something out. It was the least he could do to let Jamie have this one thing to himself. He'd been open about everything else. 

He wished he hadn't. Being blindsided at practice by being moved to the second line was pretty abrupt and he was left reeling. Everybody looked a little shocked. No one understood why they'd break up the line. Jamie and him were on fire. Separating them didn't make sense, but as soon as he saw Jamie and there was worry and not surprise on his face he knew it was because of their bond. He'd been prepared for this to happen. Kaner had waxed poetically about how amazing it had been to play on the same line as Tazer, and how much he missed it. Kaner had admitted their bond had been the source of their line change. He knew it was behind this as well. He hadn't expected it to hurt as much as it did though. 

Jamie handed him the card after practice. "Let me know what you think?" He read the name with a frown. His throat tightened against the rush of pain. 

"Do you want to go?" He asked staring at the little block of card stock. 

"This is something we have to decide together." He glanced up.

Jamie was frowning and trying not to look like he was. "Ok." He said softly. One of the guys shouted and Jamie looked away. He crumpled up the card and stuck it in his bag as he grabbed his shower bag and retreated.

\---

'Ty. Segs. Tyler!' he jolted awake with a gasp. Jamie was holding his shoulders looking harried. 

He glanced around the hotel room to see if there was a reason for the alarm. "Jamie?" He asked as the winger leaned back.

"You were having a nightmare. I felt it." Jamie said tapping his head. He grabbed for his walls, but they were solidly there. He let out a shaky breath. "I told you trading keys was a smart idea." Jamie looked smug that he'd had just one good idea. 

He knew Jamie was giving him a second to catch up. They'd had their first meeting with the therapist and he was still feeling off centered. "Thanks for waking me up." He said after a few beats of silence. 

Jamie smiled softly. "Want me to stay?" He nodded without thinking. Jamie pulled the covers up and slipped in. 

He pulled him close and buried his face in Jamie's back. "Sorry I woke you." 

Jamie shrugged, muscles moving under his hands. "I was surprised you'd let me in..." Jamie admitted. 

He frowned. "You're already in. Further than I've let anyone." Jamie's thoughts turned sad as what he'd said registered. He ignored the concerns and fell asleep, Jamie's heart beat lulling him deeper with each breath. 

\---

'Trouble in the Big D?' He tried to turn down the volume in his head, but Jamie was projecting. "Jameson, I'm sleeping." There was a pause in reading. Jamie hadn't noticed him wake up and he'd startled him. Then he heard the first sentence. 

"Has the Stars captain bonded? Here is a photo with a young fan outside a bond specialist." He rolled over and looked at Jamie. He'd known the photo was a mistake when Jamie told him about it. He was grateful that they hadn't gone together. 

"It's weird being speculated about isn't it?" Jamie frowned down at him, but didn't say anything. "I was sure it would be me that blew this."  
Jamie rubbed a hand through his hair as he looked over to Tyler. "They suspect. I won't confirm." He rolled his eyes. It was early enough in the season that this wouldn't blow over. They were barely on their first road trip. There just wasn't any other news yet. 

"It's cute you think that'll work." He pinched Jamie's cheek as he climbed over him and headed to the restroom. "Anything on who you're bonded to in there?" Jamie cursed under his breath and kept reading. He listened as he brushed his teeth with the spare toothbrush that had just shown up one day on Jamie's bathroom counter. He had Jamie's shampoo, and a couple shirts at his place. He wasn't sure when it happened, but they just started following each other home after practice and then games and didn't bother going home at night. 

"No. I don't like the questions they have." 

He stuck his head out, brush in his mouth. "You aren't going to like it any more with them sticking mics in your face." Jamie grumbled as he got changed. "Go make breakfast. I have to go pick up the dogs before practice." Jamie frowned at him. "Think of answers. It makes things a little easier when PR goes crazy on you." He laughed at Jamie's face and went back to brushing his teeth. He wouldn't read the article. He knew it wouldn't be good for him. Questions into what was wrong with Jamie's bond. When it was just him.

\--- --- ---

He felt bad for feeling frustrated. No, not bad, he felt like shit. It seemed like everywhere he went there was someone waiting right around the corner to ask him about his soul mate. "Trouble in paradise?" The article would read, "Benn not the 1 4 you?" Tyler actually thought that one was pretty clever, but he could tell that it was bothering him. And it bothered Jamie that Tyler was so bothered but wasn't talking about it. There was a tension between them that they didn't talk about. They didn't talk about it in therapy or at practice but they could both feel it looming over them waiting for the fuse to run just a little too short. Jamie had tried to say something about it but it seemed like whenever they got back to whatever house they were staying at for the night Tyler defrosted. Jamie didn't want to disrupt that, he wanted to keep it, keep Tyler for as long as he could before his walls were back up and they were back to faking it for the cameras. "This is going to get worse before it gets better." Jamie muttered into Tyler's back one night. He wasn't sure when they stopped asking if it was okay and just curled around each other. Tyler hummed but reached out with, 'I know.' And as simple a graze of his mind as those two words were, Jamie felt himself being comforted by it, relaxing completely around him feeling happy and content for the first time in a long time. 

\---

It was an accident the first time. He hadn't been thinking when he did it, he was pulling on his jacket, telling Tyler that he'd meet him at the rink after he ran by his house to water the stupid plants that his mother told him made his place more inviting, when he just leaned in and kissed him. So quick and easy that he didn't even realize that he had done it until he was out the door. He paused on the doorstep wondering if he should go back in and say something but he felt a little graze on his consciousness, a little flash of joy and he was grinning for the rest of the day.

\---

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked Tyler when they were strapping up. He was shirtless, which made it difficult for Jamie to concentrate on much else but the way his arms flexed as he tied himself into his gear. 

"Whatever you're doing," he replied without really much thought to it making Jamie beam at his skate as he laced it to the top. 

"We should go out." he told him. They had only really been on the one date and it had been great. And he said that he would take it slow but they were already sleeping at each other's places and he couldn't help it. He wanted more. With Tyler he would always want more. He must have been projecting because Tyler stopped messing with his straps and was watching him like he had been speaking. He flushed. He really needed to figure out how to quiet his thoughts. "Or we can stay in?" he offered. Tyler looked torn, and Jamie knew it was risky but he wasn't ashamed of Tyler. He was keeping the bond a secret because of the team and because he didn't know if Tyler wanted people to know. But he knew Tyler well enough to make him a bet. "How about this. If we win tonight, you let me take you out tomorrow." He told him with a grin, pulling his jersey on over his head. 

Tyler narrowed his eyes. "Ha, I'm gonna need more than that." Tyler told him and Jamie shrugged. 

"Second date is a big deal." He told Tyler. "It's the getting to know you date. But since we already have that, it's more like the third date." He saw the heat bloom a little bit behind Tyler's eyes and he was glad that the guys had mostly finished dressing and were lining up outside of the lockeroom. 

"We could just stay home." Tyler offered his voice thick as his eyes darted around the room. Jamie felt a thrill run down his spine and back up, he hadn't even been sure that Tyler would really go for that and he was so overwhelmed by the relief flooding into him that he pushed him back into the locker and their mouths crashed into each other. 

"Win the game and we can do whatever you want." Jamie told him, any will to leave the house when they got home replaced by his intense desire to feel every inch of Tyler unraveled against him. He head the door open and jumped back, secret smile still on his face when Lindy waved him over to talk strategy. He could feel Tyler watching him as he left. 

\--- --- ---

A hat trick. He'd gotten a hat trick and it still wasn't enough for them to win. He stared at the 5. He was sure when they were up at the end of the second they were going to take it. Then the Sharks scored 4 in the third. This wasn't supposed to happen. He avoided Jamie as the team got dressed and from the sound of it headed out. He left while Jamie was in the shower. He knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but he wanted to be alone. Needed some space. Having Jamie's stormy thoughts get cloudier and cloudier as each goal was scored wasn't something he wanted in his head. Listening to Jamie silently blame himself as he talked to the reporters was too much. The last time he'd tried consoling him after a game Jamie had shut down. Thoughts jagged as he'd mumbled through answers. 

\---

Cash woofed as he reached over him to grab his phone. Marshall was asleep on his other side. It was a better substitute for Jamie than he'd expected, but still not enough. He turned off the alarm and stared at the screen. He opened Jamie's thread. -Be ready at 4. I'm picking you up- he flopped back onto his bed both dogs grumbling in their sleep. A couple of hours of bad tv later he got tired of being in bed and cleaned his room, then his kitchen. By the time it was time to get ready for whatever Jamie had planned his entire house was clean. He got dressed and sat at his kitchen counter trying not to be nervous, but Jamie was too quiet on his side of the bond and it was making him even more nervous. He jumped when there was a knock at the door. Cash was barking and he knew Jamie was on the other side, but he wasn't getting anything clear. "Hi." He offered when he opened the door. 

Jamie's smile was warm and he relaxed a little. "Come on. We'll be late." 

\---

When Jamie headed toward the bar he hesitated. "Isn't it a little early?" 

Jamie shrugged with a small frown. "Just give it a try. We've got a lot ahead of us. And we're on a schedule. Come on." Jamie grabbed his elbow to pull him along. As he let go his fingers slid down and for a second he thought he was going to hold his hand. 

He looked over to Jamie who was smiling a little crookedly. "Tease," he muttered. "You have no idea," he murmured leaning close. He ignored the way the bartender eyed him as they ordered. 

"Just one. No need for a tab." Jamie took his beer, some IPA he'd been raving about. He took his own and they headed back to a booth. "Sorry this is going to be a little rushed. I only had a few hours." 

He looked up from reading the coasters. "What?" 

Jamie shrugged. "You'll see. Finish up." Jamie tilted his half empty glass at him. 

"Trying to get me drunk?" He asked taking the obvious challenge. 

Jamie grinned and finished his. "You that much of a lightweight, Seggy?" 

He rolled his eyes and finished his beer. "There I'm done. What now?" 

Jamie stood. "We move on to the next stop." 

The next stop was clothes and pretzels at the Galleria. "Really?" He asked as Jamie handed him the pretzel. "Beer and pretzels?" 

Jamie shrugged. "We aren't dressed "appropriate" for the third stop." Jamie said complete with finger quotes. 

He didn't mind trying on clothes. Trying them on with Jamie was a different story. Jamie looked at everything but refused to put it on. "I've seen you in a plaid suit. I don't think it can get much worse." He said shoving Jamie into a changing room. He didn't get why he was being so weird. Jamie was still quiet. He didn't want to ask why. But it wasn't as distracting as he thought it would be, but he didn't enjoy the quiet as much as he would have thought either. "I think I need tails," he pondered out loud. 

Jamie pushed open the door in a huff. "No tails." He was half in the suit. Shirt hanging out, jacket almost on both shoulders. 

"Yup. That one." He pulled the jacket up and resisted the urge to straighten the collar. They were still in public. They managed to get out of the mall without any fans noticing them. It was still something that had taken some getting used to. They had gotten looks walking out in the new suits, better than their game day ones. But it had been because they looked damn good if he could say so.

They headed downtown from there. He watched the traffic build across the barrier, but they only got caught briefly. "Close your eyes." 

He looked over at Jamie. "What?" 

Jamie frowned. "Close them. Surprise." Jamie reminded him like he was an idiot. 

He closed them and leaned back in the seat. "You are being so weird." 

Jamie tapped his knee. "Well I get to be. I won so it's what I want." He turned to Jamie who snapped for him to close his eyes. 

"You didn't win. We lost." The radio played on quietly for a few seconds. 

"If we had won it would be what you wanted. We lost so it's what I want." 

He smiled. "And what you want is to drive me all over Dallas?" 

Jamie hummed. "Yeah. Pretty much. Show you what Dallas has to offer." 

He scoffed. "I've been here for a while now. I own a house? I know what Dallas has to offer." There were a few moments of silence after that. 

"Keep 'em closed. We're here." 

He let Jamie guide him inside. As the elevator doors shut he could open them. "Reunion Tower?" He smiled. "I haven't been up here." 

Jamie bumped him. "I know." He understood the time crunch when Jamie confirmed they had a reservation. "Entrees only," he said as their waiter left to get their drinks. 

"What?" 

Jamie set down the menu. "I read this thing. So just go with it. Entrees here. I have dessert planned." He let the joke go and smiled down at his menu. The server didn't recognize them either. He was beginning to think Jamie had arranged it somehow. They talked about family. The season. It felt like an actual second date. 

He was still laughing at a story Jamie had told about his grandpa, when he felt a subtle shift from Jamie. "Do you miss Boston?" 

He jerked. "No." He didn't. He'd been alone there.

Jamie looked like he'd been slapped. I had no idea. Jamie thought. 

He realized with a start that he'd sent a wave of emotion. "It was home. Like Brampton is home, and Dallas. But I don't miss it anymore." He refused to let himself think to far into why. He didn't want to be a complete sap and ponder at the reason being that he wouldn't have gotten Jamie if he had stayed in Boston. The check came while they were both silent. The server dropping it off and leaving after trying one last time to get them to order dessert. 

Jamie paid cash and stood. "Got two more stops." He followed him out. The elevator ride was tense. He brushed his fingers against Jamie's. Jamie wiggled them back and some of the tension eased. 

They were heading back up toward their houses. He doubted Jamie's two stops were to drop Tyler off and go home, but he'd been wrong before. "Froyo!" He shouted when Jamie pulled in. "Can I get extra sprinkles?" He asked. Jamie rolled his eyes. "You know what the best flavor is?" 

Jamie nodded. "Oatmeal cookie. Because you are an old man." 

He feigned hurt. "You're a old man." Jamie chuckled filling his cup with chocolate and strawberry. He stuck to a single flavor and drowned it in sprinkles. They walked down the shopping center as they ate their cups. 

Jamie slowed in front of a small arcade. "Want to play?" He shrugged. They wandered around checking out the games before Jamie bought some tokens. He held Jamie's jacket as he played skeeball. They played a few games back and forth until the tokens were gone and neither one of them could do any better than the kid a few games down who kept racking up 100's like they were candy. "Kid's cheating." Jamie stated taking his jacket back. He grinned as they headed back to the car, giving the single kid who approached them for an autograph all of their tickets, which wasn't that many he regretted to realize. 

"Very high school kind of second date." He mentioned as they exited toward the neighborhood. "You taking me out to make-out point?" 

Jamie looked over to him. "You want me to find one?" 

He felt his face heat up and shrugged. "It's your date." 

\--- --- ---  
He didn't pull over even though it was very hard to focus after Tyler went quiet-the things that kept playing in his mind daring him to find a place to park and see how far Tyler wanted to go. But this was a second date. Nice guys didn't do that on a second date. So he pulled up to Tyler's house and walked him to the door. "That was nice." He grinned stupidly at just how cheesy Tyler had allowed him to be. 

"Yeah we should do it again some time." Tyler cheesed right back until they were both grinning at each other like losers. He leaned in with a bit of a question but moved in completely after Tyler nodded. It was a quick kiss but a good one. The kind that got stuck in your head for hours after. 

Tyler almost pouted when he pulled back. "I'm going to pretend like I'm not coming back and run by my place." He told him quietly stepping down the front step, letting his hand fall off Tyler's arm. 

"Jamie." Tyler muttered but he had been thinking it too so it felt like he was shouting. He turned back just in time to Tyler to catch his face, tilting it back up to where he was rooted on the step and kissed him again. Hungrily, happily. "Hurry back." He told him and Jamie nodded stupidly. He'd never felt so warm.

\---

His phone was on Tyler's side of the bed, blaring out some lame ass Madonna song that Jordie couldn't get enough of until Tyler elbowed him into cracking a stubborn eye. "Benn. Phone." He told him.

Jamie just snuggled into his back and groaned. "Leave it." He told him and Tyler complied sleepily.

At least until it went off again. "'Lo?" He felt more than heard Tyler say as he started to drift off again, pouting when Tyler moved away from him. Rolled over as Tyler started looking through his own phone until he cursed under his breath and pulled at Jamie until he was facing him again. Tyler's phone was in his face with the light up too high, blinding him for the picture he was supposed to be looking at momentarily. His eyes focused and his heart dropped. It was a picture of him and Tyler from last night, standing in the porch sharing a real and tender moment that would now forever be ruined by whatever fuck decided that their personal lives didn't matter enough to not sell it to the papers. Tyler got up and shut himself in the bathroom. He didn't come out for the entire hour that Jamie was on the phone with their agents and the Stars PR rep.

\---

"Okay. Let’s just take a minute and talk this through." Johnny called right after Pat did, guessing correctly that Jamie was freaking out and Tyler wasn't talking to him. He could hear him talking to Patrick in the other room and wondered, not for the first time that day, what was so wrong with him that Tyler had shut him out. Jamie waited while Johnny spoke not seeing the need to respond yet. "They have a picture. They know its Tyler's house so there is no denying that it’s him. But is it clear of you?" 

Jamie frown. "No." he muttered. It hadn't been a great photo, Tyler's face obscured enough of his to make it unclear. "But it is me. I don't want them speculating about someone else." 

Johnny was so quiet that he could practically hear him thinking. "I doubt the team would care." Jamie shook his head even though he knew Johnny couldn't see him. The team wouldn't care but that's not what mattered here. PR wasn't happy. They were prepping for the worst of what was to come. As of right then this was going to make Jamie and Tyler the only two openly gay players in the NHL and being in the middle of Texas they were expecting a shit storm. Jamie wasn't ready for the bubble they made to be popped. They just got the bubble. He'd worked hard to make that bubble and some idiot with a camera had come and destroyed it just like that. 

"The team won't care." Jamie told him holding onto that while all the negatives raced by him. 

"That's a start?" Johnny offered trying to console him, but the steel wall that was Tyler's consciousness to him made him feel more alone than he ever had.

\---

Sid didn't call but kept sending him a string of encouraging text messages that he knew meant more. Sid hated texting. This must be worse than he thought it was. He was tapping his leg impatiently, Tyler sitting next to him staring at the door straight ahead. He hadn't really said much since Jordie called yesterday. Just enough to let Jamie know he was fine and wanted to be left alone. He hadn't texted him except to say okay when he told him about the meeting and he had yet to manage to get Pat to break and tell him what was going on. So yeah. Jamie was freaking out. His leg was bouncing ten times a second while he waited for the door to open wishing more than ever that Tyler would just let him in. He tried not to jump when the door opened and their agents and the PR rep frown at them from inside. He glanced at Tyler who would only look straight ahead, his wall up as strong as ever. This wasn't going to be fun. 

\---

He was so angry and hurt when they left the room that he couldn't even say goodbye. He stormed through the building, his mind boiling with his nerves when Tyler grabbed his arm before he managed to make it outside. "Jamie, wait!" he told him. 

He yanked his arm back. "Is it me?" he asked him. The hall was empty but he kept his voice down, "Is all of this because of something I've done to you? Are you ashamed of me or something?" He asked before he could stop it. It's not like Tyler couldn't see into his head anyway even if he never once let Jamie into his. He didn't want to say it but he couldn't stop. The talk hadn't gone well, PR wanted to keep Jamie out of the release completely, putting the light and the pressure entirely on Tyler which Jamie didn't see as fair or necessary. He was more than willing to tell people that they had bonded, it was killing him to keep it a secret but Tyler had agreed so quickly... 

"No." Tyler told him immediately, "It's not you Jamie, it's me." 

He shot Tyler a look, "That's a shitty line." he told him. 

"I'm not trying to be fucking cliché." Tyler growled back. "I'm not ready-"

"But why?" Jamie demanded. "Why won't you talk to me? You talk to Pat all the time." 

"Because it's Pat." Tyler blurted back. "He knows all of my..." he stopped when he saw what Jamie was trying to say. "Jamie you know me better than anyone." he muttered, his hand finding his shoulder and gave it a good squeeze. 

"You don't have to tell me everything right now." Jamie told him. "But I don't know if I can handle the world speculating about who you are with. It's me. I want people to know it's me. I want to be able to tell my parents about you, and the team." He took a step back from Tyler who watched him, a storm of conflict creasing his forehead. "I have to call Jordie back." he said finally after a disappointing minute of silence. "I'll... see you at home."

\--- --- ---

It was tense for the rest of the week. Pat had told him during the summer before he started showing him how to block that problems still happened in bonded relationships and they felt worse than with regular relationships. "Small problems end in tsunami sized waves," Pat had said with a frown. He'd told him how much it could affect their game. How important it was to talk, not just think at each other. "What you choose to say is as important as what you think." Pat texted those same words to him as they were boarding the flight to Chicago.

The game was a battle. He couldn't find the back of the net, but neither could anybody else in the second period. He was playing his hardest, wanting to prove Pat wrong. Then a reporter caught him before he could step into the locker room. He wasn't sure how they had managed it. "How does it feel to prove everyone right?" He blinked. Jamie had mumbled something to some reporter right after the news had broken that they'd shut up anyone who criticized him with their hockey. He wanted to defend his team. They'd won two games before losing to the Wild. They were holding their own against the Hawks. He didn't see how they were failing. 

"Now's not the time man," someone said pushing him into the locker room. He felt off for the rest of the game. Kaner and Toews scored back to back. He glanced at Jamie, but the captain was absorbed in the game. By the end of the game he wanted to climb under a rock and never have to speak to anyone again. 

\---

Jamie gave him space. He hadn't been doing much else lately. The season felt like a reflection of his relationship with Jamie. They'd smile at each other over a slice of toast early in the morning and they'd win a game, then two, then three. Then someone would ask about the picture and they'd drop four. It flipped like that until he was looking at the scoreboard and they'd been shut out. The last game before Christmas. He listened to the guys pick themselves up and talk about holiday plans. His phone chirped in his bag. He dug it out and frowned. Jamie had sent him a text that he was going to visit his parents. He looked across the room. He couldn't have just said that out loud? He took his time getting dressed. That night Jamie was gone. He could barely feel the faintest touch of their bond. It scared him. He had felt more from Jamie that summer when he was on the suppressors than he was getting in that moment. He knew bond rejection was possible but be wasn't rejecting it. Maybe Jamie was. Maybe Jamie was tired of trying. His head started to ache halfway through the night. Marshall whined when he got up. Cash trotted slowly behind him as he walked around, trying to find something to distract him. He sighed and fell onto the couch. He was dialing Jamie immediately. "Som'ting wrong?" Jamie mumbled, slurring in his sleep. 

His head cleared a little. "No. I'm sorry." They stayed on the line for a few minutes. 

"Go back to bed Tyler," Jamie mumbled. He nodded throat burning before letting the line go dead. 

\---

"What if I wanted to... I get that it's not fair. I get everything and he gets nothing. But I can't just... I'm not ready for everything." Pat sighed like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

"Oh thank god." The next hour they spent with Pat explaining how to keep some things locked away. He locked away a lot. But he hoped it was enough.

 

\---

People were getting creative in asking about the photo. Instead of asking about it and getting shut down they would ask hockey questions and slip in their pondering as they were talking. Boston was in town. People always got more personal with their questions. "Are you seeing anyone?" 

He tried to find who had asked the question hesitating in his answer. "I don't see how-" that seemed to open the floodgates for personal questions. He was getting more and more panicked. He looked over the crowd, but couldn't see any of his teammates. He'd had this exact nightmare before. He closed his eyes. Jamie was just across the room. He was happily talking with Jordie. He frowned. He wondered if Jamie would step in if he asked, then he overheard a grumbling from a reporter in the back. "You have no idea what you are talking about," he snapped. The whole room echoed and he felt Jamie's attention dart to him. He closed his eyes and let his walls crumble. "Teams lose games. And we win games. It's not because of a single player. Yeah, maybe there is some added pressure on the team because of that photo. But not a single one of them blames me." 'Blames us.' He added in his head. Jamie smiled, thoughts bright and warm. "I bonded this summer. That photo was a private moment with my soul mate you have no right to ask either of us about it." He felt Jamie's happiness swell. 

"Who is it?" A brave soul asked. 

Reporters were pulled away by the RP department. "Ok. Everybody. Let's break this up." Finally someone was doing their job. 

He watched the group leave and tried to focus on getting ready for the game. He stepped out onto the ice with Jamie in his head. It was better than he thought. He got the puck and knew Rask wasn't going to stop it. He felt it. As the clang from the crossbar echoed down the ice he felt the game slip from him. Jamie tapped his glove as they sat down. He bumped back and they sat, hands resting against each other, until he was sent back out. They lost, but he didn't feel like his world was ending. Jamie was there. Jamie smiled at him when he looked over.

\--- --- ---

They lost the game but it didn't sting like the last losses had, even when Nill and Lindy pulled him aside to air their grievances about the outcome. He took their criticism and gave a talk to the team in the dressing room before they let the reporters in reminding them to keep it positive and slumped onto the bench next to Tyler. "Good job out there." He told him with a small smile as he pulled at his pads. He wasn't talking entirely about the game and he knew that Tyler knew that. He could feel it. He could- he stopped yanking at his pads and sat back, fixing Tyler with a flat out stare. He could feel him. Tyler was letting him in. Maybe not entirely but enough to make something bloom in his chest and he had to bite back on it and cover up the thought in his head before the moment he wanted to fully give the phrase was stolen from him. 

"What?" Tyler grinned at him pulling his skates off why he feigned innocence. "Like what you see?" 

"Obviously." He muttered meaning to be sarcastic but still couldn't quite get there when the dressing room was taken over by the press and PR who were watching much closer than last time. 

\--- 

Cash was woke him up my drooling all over his face, lapping the sleep right out of him with his tongue. It felt like it had been so long since he had slept at Tyler's that he had actually been surprised by the oversized puppy wake up call. He opened one eye, noting that it was barely light outside but Cash whined and nudged at him again and Jamie relented to getting out of bed so that he could do his business. Marshall joined them at the back door and Jamie stepped outside with them letting the brisk air hit his bare chest as he looked at a grey sky. It was a shitty day. A day to lay in bed and do nothing. He wondered if Tyler would take him up on that if he put it on the table. He let the dogs back in and make a quick stop to wash the slobber off his face before meeting a sleepy, but awake Tyler watching him from the bed. "Where'd ja go?" He asked rubbing at his eyes and Jamie smiled at him before climbing over him and the blankets to kiss his lips and then his forehead. 

"Your dogs had a meeting. You forgot about it so I took them to do their business." He muttered kissing him again, lingering when Tyler pulled him down on him. The blanket was between them but he could feel that Little Tyler was becoming alert. Jamie grinned, moving the leg he had between Tyler's up a little and moving his kiss further down so that he was nibbling at stubble. "Good morning to you too." He hummed happily when Tyler ground against him in lazy but hungry movements, barely grazing his own arousal but it was enough to have him fully erect after a few minutes. Then the grinding was not so lazy. The friction was nice and hard and long. Jamie kissed a Tyler roughly, taking a fist full of his hair in his hand to able his head back and better access his throat. It didn't take long for them to run out of breath before they were staring at each other with matching bewildered expressions and the carnal instinct that had overcome them. Jamie sent out a little probe with his mind asking without asking if this was okay, if this was wanted. Tyler answered by pulling him back down. Jamie had never been with another man before, almost once when he was in high school and drunk but it turned out they had both had a little too much to drink and couldn't get much of an erection. He had never really tried again. But he wasn't nervous because it was Tyler. He pulled the blanket away with a little more effort than he thought he'd have to with it pinned between them and slipped his hand confidently into Tyler's boxers, met with a little push into his hand and a wicked grin into his lips. He gripped at him hard and moved his hand, letting his thumb brush over the tip, Tyler groaned and pulled at the skin on his back. So Jamie moved harder with his hand and his leg pressing into him until he was panting too hard to kiss anymore. He came hard and fast into Jamie's hand and Jamie kissed him until he found his way back. "Hey," he smirked when Tyler's eyes focused again. 

"Hey." He said back in a croaked rasp while Jamie sat up and pulled his cum covered hand out of his pants. He flexed his fingers oddly turned on by the way it looked on him. He sniffed it without really thinking, curious and Tyler laughed shoving him so that he fell backwards, "Weirdo." He accused him as he slid Jamie's pants down.

 

\---

They stayed in and watched bad movies on Netflix until Jordie showed up at the door with beer and a weird look on his face when his brother answered the door half dressed. "PR is pissed at you." He told him in way of a greeting as he pushed passed him. 

Jamie frown, "They spoke to you about it?" He asked.

His brother shook his head. "They called me today wanting to push more details about me and Rachel. Probably to cover up for the stunt this bozo pulled last night." He said pointing his thumb at Tyler, "Not that you shouldn't have the right to." He amended when they both glared at him. Tyler wasn't anxious about it at all. He could feel it through their more enforced bond. He would have gladly said something if they hadn't cut it off. Jamie wanted that. He loved that Tyler wanted that. He loved Tyler. As soon as he thought it he felt Tyler's eyes dart to his face but refused to look at him, trying to keep the red out of his cheeks. 

Instead he focused on Jordie, "You brought beer." Jamie noted suspiciously. 

Jordie nodded and reached into his pocket and pulled out a little box that he set on the counter and opened to expose a ring. "I need some advice." He admitted. 

Jamie didn't know what to say. He knew Rachel would say yes but he hadn't been expecting it. "I need a drink." He said after a minute and Tyler slid one into his hand right as he said it. Soul mate perks. Tyler grinned when he thought it and Jordie launched into his plan.

\--- --- ---

"How do I know it isn't because he feels like he should?" 

Toews rolled his eyes. "Pat is laughing at you. He loves you. Why don't you want to accept it?" Toews was leaning forward. He didn't want to be talking to him about this. "Even Pat wasn't this idiotic. Your soul doesn't make mistakes. He loves you. You obviously love him. Tell him and be happy and stop calling every other night. Some of us like to sleep and I prefer to do it with that idiot." He nodded unable really to resist the gaze locked on him. 

\---

"Do you remember when we met?" Jamie hummed, half asleep on the couch. "I felt it then." 

Jamie tilted his head back to look up at him. "What?" He let go of the memory and Jamie's thoughts flashed in confusion.

"I was terrified. I hated how I felt about guys." He let the last walls fall with a stuttered exhale. "I didn't want to be bonded to a guy. I didn't want to bond at all." Jamie was staring up at him, but hadn't moved from where he was draped over his lap. "I think I loved you after your first fight of the season." He felt the shock reverberate down the bond. "I didn't want to believe you could feel the same. Why would you?" Jamie started pushing feelings at him and he laughed short and abrupt. "I know why now loser. But I didn't then. I've been stupid. I'm sorry." Jamie's fingers tightened around his. He looked down at Jamie looking up at him. "So sorry."

 

\- - -

"We wanted to wait until the end of the season to make this announcement." He smiled as Jamie spoke. Their fingers were intertwined under the table. Flashes were already going off as the press guessed what announcement they were making. Throughout the season there had been rumors, questions, but they'd managed to keep it hidden. Keep it to themselves. 

"Our illustrious captain managed to lock all this down." He said with a laugh. Jamie shot him a sharp thought. The questions erupted. He looked over to Jamie trying to look serious but failing miserably. The smile on his face wide.

 

\---

"I told you your big speech wasn't necessary." He taunted.

Jamie hugged him from behind hooking his chin over his shoulder. "Yeah. Well maybe I wanted to say it?" 

He chuckled. "Say it now." 

Jamie shook his head. "Nah. You ruined it. You don't need more proof I'm a loser." 

He leaned back against him. "You're my loser." He told him with a wild grin, feeling Jamie’s annoyance hit him with a laugh of relief because his dork ass really was was.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out the second story in the series, 'My Fault.'  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4483568


End file.
